memories

note, summer, memories..

I found a note again, dated 08.08.12 and this is what in it:

“Summer.. You close your eyes and see how you, 10 years old, race barefoot along the dusty road.. or  see how you’re sitting on a tree with an apricot in your hand or splashing in a cool pond and you can even remember how wet hair touched your tanned skin.. then you see yourself with a large slice of watermelon and sweet juice runs down your arms and chin… also you see yourself at the table in front of a huge, as it seemed at that age, grandmother’s plate of borscht… you do remember your own carefree laughter, games and friends, chat on a bench under the sky full of stars, and how you dreamt to grow up faster..
and in those brief moments you feel life again..
I heard that summer is a little life, but it seems that only in childhood.. “

*

I know that these memories have some value only for me but I don’t want to change anything…

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catch the moments..

Sometimes when I’m in the company of friends, I’m glad that I’m not a leader, because no one is waiting for action from me. So I have the opportunity just to sit quietly and to catch the moments of life, to savor them, to bathe in them…

Everything happens as if in slow motion before my eyes, the sounds disappear, I feel warmth inside and a quick look around will lead to the idea that all this is scenery, and I’m one of those who forgot to read the script.

But it does not seem to matter.

And I continue to stir the coffee in a porcelain mug, watch how dark liquid is swaying and the light of bulbs reflects in it.

In moments like this, I do not think that I’m unable to do everything in time, in such moments I’m sure that in old age I will not regret how I spent my life..

Is not this happiness to accept a small thing as a miracle?!

I can’t draw..

When I receive notification of a new subscriber, I feel some responsibility and I can’t afford to be silent for a long time. So, I’ll tell what postponed my sleep a little bit yesterday…

Prehistory. I don’t like my job, but I can cope with it well, therefore, I continue to fulfill it. Everyone needs some interest that helps to distract his mind in such a situation. In search of a new hobby I came across drawing courses.

What happened next? I haven’t signed up for the courses yet. I just understood that I can’t draw. But! But I remembered the elementary school and the teacher of drawing. After that the memory that I liked to draw came. I was often praised until our class get a new girl, whose drawings were better than mine, because the teacher stopped to praise me.

Result. I realized how my classmates felt at the time when I was happy about new praise and I was embarrassed for having rejoiced in my superiority. And no, I didn’t try harder to earn new praise and return the favour of my teacher.

Why am I writing about this?  I don’t know. Most likely, I took the wrong  solution or I didn’t draw a correct conclusion. But I know that not everyone can be a leader as well as not everyone have to be.

P.S. Drawing courses still are on the agenda.

little confession..

It’s time to get one thing off my chest: when I was a child I dreamed of becoming an actress. And I knew why, I wanted to live other lives. My childhood was wonderful; it just seemed to be much more interesting on the other side of the screen. I can’t forget it because of my love for cinema and a few wrinkles on the forehead, which I often see in the mirror. I’ll tell you how I got them. Does everyone remember the Bond? Aha! I was in love with those wrinkles on the Sean Connery’s face. So I spent much time in front of a mirror, practicing his own look.

With the look, actually, everything has turned. But I didn’t take into account many important things for the profession I dreamed about. And I know that I can’t suddenly come to love my least favorite thing, I can’t play for nothing with the feelings, I can’t confide in a stranger on demand and I can’t pretend to be someone I’m not in reality. 

But I always cry, feeling the others’ pain… I laugh when I want to… I scream when my feelings are ready to explode… I keep silent when the heart is aching…

If you know where such an actress is needed, let me know!

best wishes or happy Bday, my friend!

Today is my friend’s Kostya birthday. I met him at a movie theater more than five years ago. We worked together. He had a day off on the first day of my evaluation period, but on the second day both of us were sent to beautify area near the movie theater. My presence was a surprise for him as for me was a big surprise the fact that I was in charge of mowing the lawn and remove dandelions by any means. After a couple of phrases he pulled out his phone and said: “so Julka, give me your phone number!”.

We’re still friends. It’s better to say that we maintain relations. I remember a character in a string, the meaning of which I haven’t managed to find out, the hijacking of kvas tank at dawn, the battle for the fantail, found in the room, mopping and dancing with a mop, hookah smoking during working hours outside the movie theater, eating hot dogs in the hall, an endless number of views of “Mission Impossible 3″…

But another memory remains to be the main. In one of my working shifts, I don’t remember how I found myself in a company of guys working with me, new guards, bartenders, ushers. We were discussing something, violently and laughing, when our administrator caught us for not working and said: 

“Oh, Julia gathered all the guys near her!”

I replied: “Well, not all, everyone can’t like me.”

and Kostya said: “Show me!”

I: “What?”

Kostya: “That alien who doesn’t like you!”

I was very surprised and I’d probably blush if my skin was prone to this. I didn’t answer anything then, but now I tell you, my friend, thank you, because it’s the best compliment I’ve ever heard.

We see each other rarely now. I don’t know how you live, what happens to you and about you. But I know exactly what I would like to wish you. Let life allow you to be who you want to be!

P.S. Create and enjoy the created things! 🙂

nearest and dearest..

My mother’s birthday is soon and I think it’s the reason why suddenly appeared the memory of how we (me, my sister and my father) came to see my mother in the hospital. This flashback is from my childhood so it isn’t quite clear.

Dad was cooking for us during the Mom’s treatment (but I have to mention that Mom said that every our visit was accompanied by phrases like: “Mom, we want to eat!”), also he was braiding us and dressing us in other clothes. For example, he dressed my sister in my jacket and vice versa. Our appearance amused my mother. Especially if consider the fact that my sister is almost two years younger than me, you can imagine how ridiculous we looked.

I remember the hospital walls and mom’s dressing gown. Also I remember cycling from our house to the hospital and I remember that Ksju (my sister) always sat somewhere in the handlebars, and I – in the back seat holding fast my father. Dad by-turn remembers this moment with laugh, specifying that the only picture I observed was the sight of his back on our not a short path.

No one explained anything, just said “your Mom got sick, but she’ll return home soon!”

And I thank God that it happened in such a way, because not many kids can share good finale of such memories..

Take care of your nearest and dearest! Please!