new acquisition…

I was absent for a while. Maybe it was because of depression (looks like this is my permanent condition) or simply because of searching for the thing I would like to tell the world about, not in secret, but loudly..

my hand, Enki Bilal “The dormant beast” and the blanket

Enki Bilal “The dormant beast” – is that thing thanks to which I feel something akin to happiness. This thing made me nervous and chase after it, but I just felt sure that I must to own it. There is a rule for the things I would like to own: “only goal can stop an arrow”.

All the rest is more complicated…

But I won’t be distracted, however this post is about the pleasant acquisition.

So. A low bow and loud applause to creator for each page of this masterpiece!

Enki Bilal now joins my list of heroes. Yes! 🙂


in expectation..

I didn’t know how to describe my feelings when I saw this photo for the first time. And it seems to be impossible to describe them correctly.  So I just say that I always had heightened sensibility to others’ pain, so now I worry about this poor animal.  

And I would like to write about good things around me but I can’t ignore the things like this. Because we shouldn’t pass by! Someone should feel upset!

nearest and dearest..

My mother’s birthday is soon and I think it’s the reason why suddenly appeared the memory of how we (me, my sister and my father) came to see my mother in the hospital. This flashback is from my childhood so it isn’t quite clear.

Dad was cooking for us during the Mom’s treatment (but I have to mention that Mom said that every our visit was accompanied by phrases like: “Mom, we want to eat!”), also he was braiding us and dressing us in other clothes. For example, he dressed my sister in my jacket and vice versa. Our appearance amused my mother. Especially if consider the fact that my sister is almost two years younger than me, you can imagine how ridiculous we looked.

I remember the hospital walls and mom’s dressing gown. Also I remember cycling from our house to the hospital and I remember that Ksju (my sister) always sat somewhere in the handlebars, and I – in the back seat holding fast my father. Dad by-turn remembers this moment with laugh, specifying that the only picture I observed was the sight of his back on our not a short path.

No one explained anything, just said “your Mom got sick, but she’ll return home soon!”

And I thank God that it happened in such a way, because not many kids can share good finale of such memories..

Take care of your nearest and dearest! Please!

nothing outstanding..

More than a week has passed since I came back from my vacation. It is a very small segment of life, especially in comparison with the time that I spent within 4 walls of the working space consisted of such components: the Black Sea and the mountains of the Crimea, the series Shameless, my father’s grapes, care of kittens, long sleep, reading books (in this period: Strain and Living) and the fresh air, help to relatives and frequent calls to grandparents. Nothing outstanding. It was quiet and peaceful time. But, I can’t say that I feel thirsty for fun.

And now I want to tell a very recent observation. So: on my way home during an urban transport stop before the crossing I saw a girl walking near the windows of expensive boutique. How do I know this boutique is expensive?! Because even I have never dared to call at this shop. The girl was dressed modestly and kept in the hands a cheap package probably with some foodstuff and slim mannequins looked down on the girl from windows (I felt sorry once again that I was not the owner of the photo camera). By the way, even one dummy costs twice as mush as the girl can earn in a month.

What is the point?  There is no essence, there is a division of society into the rich and the poor, and the line of distinction appears brighter and brighter, erasing a middle class so these kinds of people continue to live near each other but as though in different dimensions.

That’s what we have.

in summer I trust..

29 of July 2011 I was 28 and lots of work at the beginning of the month prevents me from telling about that. Now I just want to be happy and this warm season is a receptacle of hopes and simple desires for me.

About desires. If I had to minimize the amount of desire to 3, then they would be such: 1. true love; 2. a huge library of my own; 3. a happy childhood for every child.

I’m trying to draw some conclusions in today’s gloomy day and I hope they will help me to make some promises to myself.

About findings. I love literature and I believe in the word; Che Guevara is a hero of mine, and I can be proud only of number of the books I read; in most cases I make the wrong choice and I think humanity is a very painful ulcer on the body of the most beautiful of all the planets; sometimes, I dream about love and I’m learning to sleep with the open window; I am disappointed with my intuition and I lead the struggle with my doubts, fears and anxious thoughts; everything is too difficult for me and the phrase “everything will be fine” isn’t for me ..

About promises. It’s harder, I guess I’ll never be able to accept myself as I actually am. Course remains the same, because the way of development and improvement has always been right for me.

P.S. let happen what has to happen.